derealization, in the dark.

I'm sorry I'm a sinner… it's been a long winter

My patience growing thinner, and that's only the beginnin'

See, I've known since I was 6 that,I was broken within, and-

I'll prolly never amount to nothin

But then I healed a little bit, started seeing shit a little different

And now I'm tryna to keep my head up, but I'm sinnin

In a sea of thoughts, swimmin

Drowning in these feelins

I'll Take another L, I'm still winning

Forgiving but not forgetting

Remembering the fact that I gotta keep living

Cuz I know what's it's like to lose your dad, I'm not kidding

And I can't do that to Remi, swear to god I be trippin-

The bloods dripping, they don't know that I am withering

Bittersweet symphonies, empathy I've given things

At the cost of my heart, colder than frost, it's glistening

Are they listening?

They're either laughing or they're pissed at me

Look at the history… it's mostly misery

Ups and downs, like some muhfuckin chimneys

I suffer from a sick disease

But I'm still living dreams

God, can you forgive me, please?

Yeah, I got this sin in me

Yeah, this depression's gonna be the death of me

It's got the best of me, on these beats, my words are deafening

It's deafening- the silence created a lesser king

In my head, over and over, I be playing scenes

the man in the mirror is a lesser being

And I'm not listening

Neither are you, we're missing things

Numb the thoughts, ya know? cuz they be threatening

But Maybe if I die I'll finally get some peace

Let me be real for a sec

(Imma show you inside my head tonight)

I hope you're high, i hope you vibe

I hope you make it through them scary nights

Where you begging for answers, begging for time

We gon shine, maybe we're splitting, maybe I'm right

Cuz if you saw inside my head, you'd also wanna be dead

It's like a party that Id like to attend

It's like a jackpot that I know I'll never get

It's like a script that never ever seems to end

Yeah I like to pretend, cuz I don't like who I am

They prolly wouldn't either, this is all we get

We could be friends, I push em away in the end

Now nobody listens to me, I'm alone in my bed

I wear my heart on my sleeve, bard by nature

I know what I need, but to myself I'm a traitor

Big feelings inside and I know that they hate it

And I can't take this, Im gonna fucking break shit

Fuck

You wrote "hell" thinking you could break the cycle

And you mighta, if you didn't keep drinking at night, duh

But when we be clean, we be idle

Unlike these teens who sip lean and be tidal

Who bleed deep thoughts in all these cheap vials

And leave us on seen between these mean isles

The artists we seem to see, that leave titles

Like "legends" and be idol'd

They all keep dyin

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, I'm losing control

It's more than them drugs that got me in a chokehold

I still got these hands on my throat, but I know

These hands are my own, and I need to let go

But the pain feels like home

A warmth that heals my soul

I wanna change, where tf do I go?

I stare into the mirror, and all I see is a ghost

Is it me? Is it you? Well who the hell knows?

OWYL

All caps cuz he's the one with the big voice

Tracks lowercase cuz they miss the point

And we're past the point- of-

No return, but that's your choice

Keep listening, keep feeling something if you wanna

I feel it coming, a change, healing trauma

On my mama, I promise

We gon break out from all of these thoughts, um

Please tell me I was recording