He And She

I was I

You were you

And now we're only we

We are one

Who were two

Or we had better be

"I now pronounce you man and wife"

Are magic words like "Open sesame"

But though they made you mine for life

They also made you think much less of me

It only shows how little you know of it

I know a pair who made quite a go of it

He was a man who was very fond of women

She was a girl who was very fond of men

She had a taste for both corpulent and slim men

He wouldn't look at a lady under ten

She went abroad just to find a man to marry

He went abroad just to find himself a wife

She didn't want any Tom or Dick or Harry

He sought a mate who'd be true to him for life

She fell in love with the angle of his eyebrow

He fell in love with the dimple on her knee

And when they wed

He went around with other women

And she went with other men

And that is he and she!

He always said, "I would like to have a daughter"

She always said, "I would like to have a son"

She took to kids like a duckling takes to water

He always thought having babies would be fun

He told her this on the very day he met her

She said, "The wish is the father to the sport"

He bought a house, in the nursery he set her

She helped the stork make his annual report

He won renown as the father of a squadron

She won awards for her prolificacy

And just because

And just because they loved their children

They got married after all

And that is he and she!

She was so pure as the snow before it's driven

He never smoked and he never touched a drop

When she said "boo" she would ask to be forgiven

When he would swim, he would always wear the top

She wore no rouge though she had a bad complexion

He always prayed every time he went to bed

She was so kind that she hated vivisection

He loved his ma and he swore he'd never wed

She was so chaste that it made her very nervous

He loved to go to the vicarage for tea

And when they died

And when they died and went to heaven

All the angels moved to hell

And that is he and she!