Introduction & Lesson In Recognition

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen

I have a request tonight

Usually I don't do request numbers

Unless, of course, I have been asked to do so

This is a request from a lady

I sincerely hope

She's an elderly lady

Ah, she's an old lady, you might as well face it

As a matter of fact, she's dead now

It's from her son

He and I grew up together

We haven't seen each other for approximately seven years

And neither have I

But he asked me if I would do a routine

I used to do when we were little boys and girls

Er, little, er, er...

Well, we didn't know the difference anyhow

Because we were just very small

As a matter of fact, he still doesn't

Well, he asked me if I would do that routine

So with your permission

Or maybe entirely without it

I am going to do that routine right now

Unfortunately he called up

And said that he couldn't be here tonight for this concert

So now I actually don't have to do that routine

Which, of course, takes care of that

So, now I'm gonna do something else

By the way, we're gonna have an intermission pretty soon

Don't you like intermissions?

Oh, I love them

Smoke a cigarette

Walk around in the lobby

Meet friends, and so and so

We're gonna have an intermission

Of about an hour and a half tonight

So that we really can get acquainted

So for my fourth and last number

I'm going to play excerpts from

Rachmaninoff's Second Piano Concerto

Number Two, that is

By Rachmaninoff, of course

Who also wrote the music for this concerto

This is a piano concerto for piano and concerto

And was originally written

For approximately 95-piece symphony orchestra

But due to circumstances beyond my control

We seem to be approximately 95 pieces short

But you won't notice the difference

Because I play it very fast

This concerto was written in four flats

Because Rachmaninoff had to move four times while he wrote it

And of course I play excerpts

I don't know the whole thing, that's all

The Steinway people have asked me to announce

That this is a Baldwin piano

Pardon me for sitting down while I play

Pardon my back

Pardon my front

But that's the way I'm built

Speaking of pianos

Many people have asked me

Why there are three pedals in these grand pianos

Well, the pedal in the middle

Is there to separate the two other pedals

Which might be bad news for people with three feet

Rachmaninoff Second Piano Concerto

When you hear this...

That is the introduction

And when you hear this...

That is the main theme

Then when you hear this...

Then there's definitely something wrong

Because that's Tchaikovsky