Welcome To YouTube

Before YouTube I walked through life

And now I frolic

YouTube's been like a father to me

Except YouTube's not an alcoholic

Before YouTube I was just a skinny white kid

That thought he was funnier and cooler

Than he actually was

And now, well, not much has changed

But I have a shitload of money

'Cause YouTube is a place for people to share their ideas

If by people, you mean 13-year-old girls

And by ideas, you mean how they love the Jonas Brothers

I'm just kidding

But let's be honest, that's a hefty majority

And if you don't believe me

Well, then you must be a noob

So welcome to YouTube

And you don't know what you're missing

Just try searching, "Women Kissing"

It's YouTube

It's what this country's been needing

A generation of kids who don't waste their time reading

Am I the only one who thinks that Lisa Nova's hot?

And Chris Crocker's not

No, he's hotter

Most of the best YouTubers are either Asian or they're gay

So there's an untapped YouTube celebrity

And his name is George Takei

And your favorite coat's got a doo-doo stain

I pray to God that that's chocolate rain

And I find videos of babies laughing a bit intrusive

Because Barack Obama won the election because of YouTube

Wait, did I say YouTube? I meant the black vote

And I think YouTube and Fred are so cool

And What The Buck will be back in a Jiffy Lube

So welcome to YouTube

Welcome to YouTube

Hey, welcome to YouTube

I said, listen and linger

Charlie the Unicorn bit my finger

It's YouTube

The impact is evident

Miss Teen South Carolina just ran for Vice President

Upload a video, you got nothing to lose

Except all of your friends

And the approval of your parents

Oh, yeah

"Hi, my name is Mary, and I'm 19 years old

And I got drunk at a party

And I think someone was videotaping it

But I don't want anyone to see it

'Cause I showed half of my boob"

Sorry, Mary

Welcome to YouTube

Say hello to YouTube

And say goodbye to your college scholarship

And if your video doesn't appeal to me

You gotta change the keyword

Welcome to YouTube, oh

I said welcome to YouTube, yeah

And it'll keep on going and it'll never stop

No, until it's privatized