God That's Brilliant

So

Hitler's on the train, and he's heading for the border

We take out a porter that no one will miss

Now, our boy's undercover, he poisons the water

God, that's brilliant! But listen to this

I've designed a new kind of missile

So tiny, it's shot from a pen

It's full of airborne sedative, time to affect is relative

But one whiff's enough to floor ten grown men

We'll shoot him on route

Our pursuit will be fruitful

And the Führer is out cold

But what the hell happens then?

So

Hitler's on the train, and he's feeling kind of tired

He's drugged in a fug like a mental abyss

'Mein' pants have been stolen!

We'll trade them for Poland!

God, that's brilliant! But listen to this

But, I haven't got to the explodin' socks yet!

You've had a verse

I know a lady assassin

She's live but impossibly strong

She's killed half of Moscow

She owns her own crossbow

A master of disguise who can speak any tongue

She's stationed in Haiti, patiently waiting

But one call from me, and she'll be ours for a song

So

Hitler's on the train, and he's coming back from Burma

A girl hurls herself from a nearby tree

She crashes through the window

Disguised as a flamingo

In the world that unfurls

She kills a guy or three

She raises up a knife

It's dripping blood from a slaughter

Hitler shits himself as she blows him a kiss

His guards try to pour in

She barricades the door and

God, that's brilliant! But listen to this

If this is a man in a fancy suit

All that we need is a swanky Tuxedo

Fleming, stop going on about your bloody novels

Several publishers are interested!

Your mother doesn't count

Come on boys, remember what Churchill said

"If you want to beat them Jerries

You gotta call upon the visionaries"

'Cause, if you're in trouble

Don't scream and shout

Just call the English public schoolboys, we'll sort it all out

It's time for ambition

Time to show you've got vision

We're the best brains in Britain

Now listen to this!

All we need is a shiny Tuxedo (here we go!)

And my design for a submarine car (for God's sake!)

About seven pretty ladies

Aston Martins or Mercedes

A base in a volcano and a laser cigar

Some crocodile moccasins

A watch with a garrotte in it

A vodka Martini waitin' at the bar

And there's our man

Who's a really famous hero

He wears cool suits, and he has a big gun

He has great adventures

And ladies want to kiss him

I do like it when the ladies want to kiss me

God, he's brilliant, and his name is James

I've even got a catchphrase for him!

The name's James, James, no

Makes no sense-

Now, Hitler's on the train, or a boat, or other vehicle

We send in an assassin, or a robot, that's illegal!

They shoot him, stab him, Grab him

And he's wearing a Tuxedo

He kills the guard, snogs the girl, and says something cool

No! We tie him up, we poison him

I think this plan has veered off

We bring him back to Blighty

Steal his trousers, blow his head off

Our victory's assured

Whilst we go and win the war

No! God, that's brilliant!

Um, God, I'm brilliant!

Well, God, we're brilliant!

No! Now listen to this! No!