I Always Get to Bed By Half-Past Nine

Long hours don't appeal to me, up late I never sit

Early to bed, I've always said, keeps us young men fit

One evening while in Gay Paree

A nice young lady said, "Oui, oui"

I said, "Such things aren't good for me

I always get to bed by half past nine"

An air raid warden shouted, "Men

Expect a raid at half past ten"

I said, "No use, it's too late then

I always get to bed by half past nine"

I never wander around after dark

I pop my nose under the clothes

And I'm up with the lark

Opposite, a girl so slick

By candlelight undresses quick

Nine thirty-five, she snuffs her wick

So I always get to bed by half past nine

I curl my knees up to my chin when into bed I fall

All through the night I'm tucked up tight

With my face turned to the wall

Our little hens were making free

The rooster said, "Don't flirt with me

I'm not so young as I used to be

I always get to bed by half past nine"

A bookie bolted, sad to tell

The punters all began to yell

He shouted as he ran like hell

"I always get to bed by half past nine"

I never wander around after dark

I pop my nose under the clothes

And I'm up with the lark

A sultan said, "You look hot stuff

My hundred wives are you, it's no bluff"

I said, "For me, one's quite enough

I always get to bed by half past nine"

I heard our old tomcat shout

"Maria, are you coming out?"

But Maria knows what she's about

'Cause she always gets to bed by half past nine

A nudist said, "Of clothes I've none

Still, I won't be sat upon

It's time I put my nightie on

I always get to bed by half past nine"

I never wander around after dark

I pop my nose under the clothes

And I'm up with the lark

My family's too large for our flat

I've got fourteen kids, my hat

But I'm really not surprised at that

I always get to bed by half past nine