Camelot: How to Handle a Woman

You swore that you had taught me everything from A to Zed

With nary an omission in between

Well, I shall tell you what

You obviously forgot

That's how a ruler rules a queen!

And what of teaching me by turning me to animal or bird

From beaver to the smallest bobolink?

I should have had a whirl

At changing to a girl

To learn the way the creatures think

But wasn't there a night, on a summer long gone by

We passed a couple wrangling away

And did I not say, "Merlyn, what if that chap were I?"

And did he not give counsel and say

What was it now?

My mind's a wall

Oh yes!

By jove, now I recall

"How to handle a woman?

There's a way," said the wise old man

"A way known by every woman

Since the whole rigmarole began"

"Do I flatter her?" I begged him answer

"Do I threaten or cajole or plead?

Do I brood or play the gay romancer?"

Said he, smiling, "No indeed"

"How to handle a woman?

Mark me well, I will tell you, sir

The way to handle a woman

Is to love her, simply love her

Merely love her, love her, love her"