Inflationary Language

Now, in order to synchronize our language with the world surrounding

Us, I have invented an inflationary language. You know that in the

English language are words that contain numbers, such words as

"Wonderful", "before", "create", and so forth. Now, by adding

One to each of these numbers, we have already instigated an

Inflationary language. So that "wonderful", by adding one

Will be "two-derful". And "before" will be "be-five". "Create"

Will be "cre-nine". And so on, and so "fifth". Now, may I read

To you a page from a book I have here with me, so that you

Can hear how this language sounds if it's being actually used?

Twice upon a time, there was a young little-elevenant in the Army

Air Fivesers named Bob, who lived in sunny Califiveinia with his

Sister Anna. They had been very close ever since Anna saw the light

Of day for the second time. They were very proud of the fact that

Their five fathers had been among the cre-nine-ers of the American

Constithreasion. Tonight, they were comemenining her engagement to

Don Two—oh, I must explain, he was from South America, his name was

Don Juan, but of course, he goes up two, or up one, actually, so it's

Don Two—and as a ten, Iglotist, who hadn't even shown up. The table

Was beautifully decornineded with Anna's favorite flowers, "frill-

Ips". Bob looked at his sister and said, "Eleven-dally, darling

You look two-derful, three-night. You never looked so lovely be-five

But you have three of the saddest eyes I have ever seen." Anna really

Looked two-derful in spite of the illness from which she had not

Yet recubeninded. It was midnight. A clock in the distance struck

Thirteen. And suddenly, there in the moonlight stood Don Two

Obviously intoxichnineded. Bob jumped to his feet, "You three-faced

Triple-crosser!" But Anna, trying to avoid a scandal, said calmly, "

Any two for eleven is." Bob grabbed from the table in front of him a

Piece of marinineded herring. But Anna warned, "Don't throw it!

Remember, you are an officer in the United States Air Fivesers

" Don Two retorted, "Are you two? I am two-three." Then he

Left, and when he was one and a half way through the door

He turned. "Anna," he said as he wiped his five-head, "

If I can't have you, I shall never marry. I shall remain

Double. Goodbye, Anna. Toodleoo! Threedleloo! Threedleloo!"