Crazy Eddie's Last Hurrah

Well it sure didn't take too long

I woke up one mornin', she was gone

And the note that she wrote didn't say "Dear John"

It said, "Goodbye, sucker, I'm gone"

She was a home-grown mountain girl

Raised in a different world

I was a wanna-be rocker, she was more into Merle

And I couldn't see it just wouldn't work

And now I'm double fisting longnecks and grapefruit and Stoli

But I'm never gettin' over Jolie

Well I pulled myself in my car

I drove it on down to the bar

But they wouldn't let me in 'cause I ain't a movie star

So I went to the Horseshoe on Lamar

The bouncer threw me out at two

And I didn't know what to do

So I picked up the phone and I called guess who

But the call block wouldn't let me through

And now I'm wishin' for some drugs or a shrink to console me

But I'm never gettin' over Jolie

Well I gathered up all of my guns

And a pipe bomb just for fun

And I drove to her house and parked on the lawn

She's right, I always was a crazy one

Well her boyfriend was sure nice to me

He said, "Calm down, would you like a drink?"

And then I shot him full of holes from his nose to his knees

And I polished off my little sweet pea

And now I'm cryin' on my knees, feelin' dirty and unholy

But I'm never gettin' over Jolie

Now I'll prob'ly get life and serve at least forty

But I'm never gettin' over Jolie