Dutch Kate Moss

Thought I knew who to be

Thought I knew who to love

Thought I knew what I wanted

But turns out I never did

Turns out I never will

I know how to be

A privileged loser who looks like shit

A privileged loser who looks like shit

No one ever tells me that I remind them of someone famous

That’s code for being ugly, right

Except once someone said I looked like a

Dutch Kate Moss

I’ll never forget it

On my death bed,

That’s what I’ll remember

Cause we were taught that that’s what matters

And even though I, we, do know better

The more theories I read about

Social structures

The more I feel Like a hopeless case

Like it’s too late

Too internalized

Besides, I did not know much back then

It was in London, when I was 16

I told everyone I was 17, I thought it sounded more mature

And I did feel much older than before

Just from being there

From breathing in

That London air

From being there

One evening we went to an indie pub

Then to an after party, my very first one

When some German dude asked if he could kiss me in front of everyone

I said “no, you’re way too old”

On the way back to Gothenburg, I changed my mind

I thought I should’ve just done it, to tell everyone

Oh damn, I wish I knew who to kiss

Wish I knew who to love

Wish I knew what I wanted but

I’m sure I’ll know more

When I’m 24

Sure I’ll have my shit together then

I probably won’t even remember this

I will have had that very first kiss