Road Trip

I thought he was my partner Less than lovers, but more than friends He said it wouldn't last But like the cosmos, I don't think it ends They say he's going steady With some woman that I don't know I've never met this person But I think that I should go and say hello I wish that he'd step back and weigh his options For what they're worth She may be smart and pretty Oh, but our love has orbited the earth I will not let her take my place I'm in a new kind of space race But I don't tell my parents And I don't tell my friends I just grab some rubber tubing And I pull on my Depends And then I drive It's time for a road trip I've printed out these letters That he sent her, and stuff like that I've written these directions to her house, so we might have a little chat I'll take this airsoft pistol Should she make threats against my life A wig and pepper spray And this eight inch Gerber folding knife I will not let my man pursue her Now she will get what's coming to her But I don't tell my parents And I don't tell my friends I just grab some rubber tubing And I pull on my Depends And then I drive It's time for a road trip She's just a captain in the Air Force She's never been in outer space I guess I'll have to go remind her That I'm a godamn astronaut And she should know her place I pass through the state border And I'm welcomed by a sign I can feel my heart pounding in my temples And justice will be mine She's nowhere in the airport Then I recognize her car I see no reason why I should be nervous I've already come this far I will not let them victimize me At this point nothing can surprise me But I don't tell my parents And I don't tell my friends I just grab some rubber tubing And I pull on my Depends And then I drive It's time for a road trip