Here at Horace Green

Mr. Schneebly

Perhaps you're not familiar with this kind of institution?

Let me explain something to you

Here at Horace Green

Our name has come to mean pure excellence

In every sense

Which we commandeer for quite a lofty yearly fee

When they write those checks

Each parent here expects their child to earn

A high return

And because they do, the pressure's on for you and me

Here at Horace Green

We rule the rankings

Lead in funding

Test right off the chart

Greatness is routine

The board demands it

Or we will both be ripped apart

Ah, no worries with me

If a kid gets out of line, I smack 'em

Real hard

There is no corporal punishment

But you do spank 'em though, right?

Aha!

No

At our hallowed school

The children as a rule learn discipline

We drill it in

With, as you might guess, the fear of doing less than well

While they're in our care

We tenderly prepare them to compete

With the elite

Till they are dispersed to Harvard, or at worst, Cornell

Here at Horace Green

We take top honors

Crush our rivals

Wear the prep school crown

There's no in between

We get results here

Or the alums

Will hunt us down

Here at Horace Green

We stick to custom

Keep on schedule

Do what must be done

Don't, and it will mean

I go ballistic

Right, then that's all, good luck, have fun