People Who Oughta Be Killed: Self-Help Books

Now, somethin' else a lot of you are aware of

Those of you with illegal cable hook-ups

Will be aware of the fact, that one

Of the things I like to do on my shows is complain, you know?

It's kind of a motif for me, complainin', and of course this weird culture

We live in leaves you no shortage of things to complain about

So this next piece of material

Like most good ideas is fairly simple

It's just a list of people who ought to be killed

Okay? Alright

Starting with these people who read self-help books

Why do so many people need help?

Life is not that complicated

You get up you go to work, you eat three meals

You take one good shit, and you go back to bed

What's the fuckin' mystery?

And the part I really don't understand

If you're looking for self-help

Why would you read a book written by somebody else?

That's not self-help, that's help

There's no such thing as self-help

If you did it yourself, you didn't need help

You did it yourself

Try to pay attention to the language we've all agreed on