The Gear Jammer and the Hobo

The highways that wind and wander across this old

Lonesome land, they sure can get weary sometime

Especially when you get a flat on the old truck

I was barreling down old 77 one day, and I

Just passed a hobo who give me the thumb

Well, I gave him one back and kept right on trucking

And wouldn't you know it?

About a quarter of a mile further on down, I pulled

Up on the shoulder with a flat on the right rear

As I stood there looking at it shaking my head

And uttering some very weird profane syllables

That hobo walked up to me and said- Have a flat?

No, thanks

I got one

Well, eh, it ain't too bad

It's only flat on the bottom

Oh, brother, you can tell this old boy been

Out of circulation for a long, long time

Now, what you gonna do about it?

Well, I was gonna look for a man to kind of help me fix it

Oh, good

I'll help you

I'll help you look for him

Uh-huh

How about you?

Yeah

All right

How about me?

Well, I mean, how about you give me a hand?

Oh, I'd like to old friend, but I'm, I'm too light

For heavy work and, and too heavy for light work

Yeah

And too lazy too

Well, that might fit in there somewhere

Well, thanks a lot

I'll fix it myself

Well, I'll supervise the job

Uh, and old friend, how about giving me

A buck and a quarter for a piece of cake?

Buck and a quarter?

Well, if that don't beat all

And it's cake you want?

Well, t- today's my birthday

Well, all right

Help me fix this flat and I'll buy you a full dinner

Oh, really?

Well, that sounds like a deal

I wanna see the menu first

Now look, Buster, you know hard work won't kill you

Well, I don't know

I lost, uh, half a dozen wives that way

Come on now

You look strong enough to work

Well, you look handsome enough to be a movie star, but I

See you're out here driving this dumb old diesel truck

All right

Surely you must have done some work

Well, yeah, I've worked now and then

Uh, what'd you do?

Oh, this and that

Whereabouts?

Here and there

I see

Now, when are you gonna give me that buck and a quarter?

Sooner or later

Well, listen, you can kid me if you want to, but I'll tell you one

Thing, I wouldn't change places with a guy that had a million bucks

How about five million?

Nah, not even five million

How about 10 million?

Nah, not even 10...

Well, that, that's different now

You're talking about real money

Now, looky here, you no good mangy knock-

Kneed bow-legged ball-headed two-bit hobo

Who are you calling bow-legged?

Now, look, you gonna help me fix this flat

Or do I have to break your- Careful, champ

You're gonna bend a suit

Now, for the last time, boy, ain't you?

Well, don't get so excited

All right

I'll help you

Let me take a look at that tire

Huh

Well, that's what I thought

Yeah, you ain't got no blowout

You just got a slow leak

Give me that tire pump over there

And friends, if I hadn't seen it with

My own eyes, I wouldn't believe it

That tramp took that pump, and with one hand, mind

You, pumped that big tire full of air in no time

Well, look at there

No flat

Partner, I want to thank you

You hop in this cab and the next stop we make, I'll buy you

The biggest steak and the best cake they got in the house

Well, that sounds like a winner to me

Just one thing

I, I noticed you only used one hand on that tire pump

How come?

Oh, I don't know

Except, uh, except this arm's broke

No kidding

Broke?

Well, just a little bit

I'm sorry to hear that old buddy

Uh, how'd it happen?

Well, it was like this

I just got a hold of a copy of Playboy Magazine

Yeah?

Yeah

I thought it was a Sears Roebuck catalog, you see?

And I broke my arm filling out the order blanks

Oh, get up here in the truck and let's hit the road

You think you'll ever go back to work someday?

I worked one time, but it was a terrible tragedy

What happened?

I got my hands dirty

No

How- It was terrible when you're looking at Playboy

With dirty hands and you mess up the good parts

Do you think you're gonna run around this

Country all your life and just do nothing?

No, I ain't gonna run, but I'm gonna walk and bum a lot

Ah, you devil you