A Fine Romance

A fine romance, with no kisses

A fine romance, my friend, this is

We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes

But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes

A fine romance, you won't nestle

A fine romance, you won't wrestle

I've never mussed the crease in your blue serge pants

I never have the chance

This is a fine romance!

A fine romance, my good fellow

You take romance, I'll take jello

You're calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean

At least they flap their fins to express emotion

A fine romance, with no quarrels

With no insults and all the morals

You're just as hard to mend as the Ile de France

I never get the chance

This is a fine romance!

A fine romance, with no kisses

A fine romance, my friend, this is

True love should have the thrills that a healthy crime has

We don't have half the thrills that the march of time has

A fine romance, with no clinches

A fine romance, with no pinches

You never give the orchids I send a glance

No, you like cactus plants

This is a fine romance!