Lyrics
Yeah, so about a year ago, I started
Feeling this, um, this burning sensation
I went to see a doctor about it
He checked me out, surveyed my empty lot behind my church
Measured my growth and gave me a property evaluation
Said everything was fine
Actually, he poured me an iced lime black and sent
Me home with a script for a pumpkin and feta scone
Told me take one every day and eventually the pain would numb
Said there might be a few side effects, uh, like
A lack of interest in art, an inflated self-
Importance, and a general whitening around the face
"But don't worry about it," he said
So I did what he told me and the symptoms went away
Told me I just needed a lifestyle change
Said all that empathy was giving me insomnia
"Everything in moderation," he said, "including ethnic diversity and
Social progress." So I started exercising more, joined a pump class
Cut out gluten, spice, flavor, anything rich in cream or tradition
I was looking good
I lost about 70 acres of steak house
In one month, I was feeling great
People were finally noticing me
You know, not just The Western Leader, I was trending on Twitter
I was somebody's feta-st
Finally, I was a first-tier suburb, you know?
Like Point Chev or Blockhouse Bay
But the other day I started feeling that
Feeling again, that burning sensation
I was drinking a Steinlager on tap at the new pub they built next
To the RSA, Steinlager Pure, and, uh, I started feeling sick
I just remember looking down into the toilet bowl at a pool
Of mushed-up gnocchi and gluten-free sourdough thinking
"What's wrong with me?" So I went to get a second opinion
A specialist told me that they were irregular
Cells walking all through my op shops looking for
Novel secondhand jumpers and ironic tea towels
They were all up in my back streets jogging in expensive track pants
Turns out that that burning sensation was due to, uh, a gentrifier
We're just hoping we caught it early enough
That it hadn't spread to my main shops
Doctor said these things start out as something as
Simple as an avocado in the fruit and vegtable section
But if left untreated, it could start interfering with
The nervous system, or even worse, the local council
And from there, it's possible that it might form a
Luxury residence or, worst case scenario, a real
Estate agent, the worst kind of cancer, a Ray White
See, the thing about those white blood cells is they don't
Integrate with the rest of the body, they just take over
Don't even say hi when you see them on the street
Written by: Christopher James, Tom Scott
