I'm a Man

Hey office lady. I see you there with your rolodex You know what I'm going to do for you? I'm going to change out this water jug one-handed But first Imma spill a few drops into your lap And dab them up with this powerful organ in my mouth And by that I mean my tongue Because I'm a man And I can tell by my reflection in this duck painting that I look good You know what a man does? Lays his finger to the side of his nose to catch the grease Then dips that finger into his beer head and that head goes down Yeah I mentioned going down You heard of it? I just want to take that packet of Pens and spill it on your naked back African rain I call that Where's your boss? Don't answer that because he's right here I'm pointing at me. I'm your boss Get me a coffee and dip your undies in it Because I like my coffee with a nip of cream I'm a man, Miss Office Lady Who's in that picture frame? I like kids but I don't like boyfriends And I don't like husbands You ever been to a zoo and seen the apes? You ever seen the apes and thought Those hairy abominations That hairy one in the corner touching Himself with his leatherfingers, that's a man? When you think of that you think of me You take dic-tations? You get it? You ever been stapled? Never mind. We'll get to that You cold? Put on that cardigan you got hanging over your chair Do it slow Pick up that phone and dial S-E-X-F-U-N and guess what My belt's gonna vibrate and Imma put you On speaker so you can hear yourself begging Imma pick up the phone saying What am I and you know how you'll answer? A man Go ahead and cry if you need to because I love being flattered Yeah lick that envelope Get that corner real good Let's refill your stapler. Go on Get out them post-its and write Yourself a reminder to thank God for man You got too much shit on your desk You like foreplay? Because I don't I like to cut to the chase Call a spade a spade I'm a straight shooter I'm a man among men I'll take the milk and the cow That's you, you're the cow I'm easy breezy Gonna measure your entry spot with that Ruler you got from the work picnic last summer I already know you're a size Q pantyhose Q for Quit talkin chubby I hope you know how to cook because Mother don't wake up until noon And by that time I'll be here with you Refilling your water cooler and watching you suck On that hard candy like you never heard of a innuendo So get ready because come 5 I'll be in the van outside waitin Rubbin at myself like that ape in his cage Thinkin about you and your nasty, nasty, nasty desk And so help me don't you forget the paper clips