Struggling With Depression & Suicide

Days of endless struggle More hopeful pills today Trying to appear "normal" In some sort of way It seems that the struggle Is always here with me And I wouldn't be here now If guilt would leave me be I know there's been many Who've had worse than I But that doesn't always mean That I wouldn't say "good-bye" People say I have a lot going for me I'm sorry, but I just can't see I can't see because my worst enemy It's not my life, but inside of me Always on a roller coaster Not much consistency I'm nothing if I'm not up or down I'm nothing if just "me" Very little energy Wanting to stay in bed Wishing to be enthusiastic Instead of feeling like I'm made of lead Wanting to be excited Wanting to care for more But when nothing makes sense It's hard to focus on the poor Cluttered mind, cluttered thinking It's hard to keep in touch With what is happening around me And not to worry too much I feel that everybody is better than me And I can't do anything right This is how I've felt my whole dang life It didn't just start last night No confidence, no self-esteem Everybody else is right To speakl my mind is to be a fool So I just try to "sit-tight" Any one of these problems Would be a very vice But when you have them all Living seems like a roll of a dice