Xmas Blues

*Knock knock knock* Otis: Hello? I would like to speak to Bonquisha Woman: Otis? Otis: Yes, this is Otis. Woman: She don't wanna talk to you! Otis: Well, tell her she is gonna hear me one way or the other Either she steps outside or either she's gonna hear me through the door *Blues beat begins* Otis: You know, Bonquisha, ever since you and I stopped seeing each other I ain't been doin' nothin' but thinkin', thinkin', thinkin' I ain't been able to sleep, I ain't been able to do nothin' that requires you bein' in it Baby, I know that we've had rough times before, but we got through it Like the time all the power went off in the house And we had to finish cookin' the collard greens on the Happy Heater But we did it together! Or the time the defroster didn't work on the microwave And the turkey was still frozen, remember? We had to get chicken down from Larry's Long Neck Leg Quarter Late Night Chicken House Remember? But now I don't have you, and that's why I'm having these Christmas Blues Yes, Christmas Blues Sometimes I wonder, was it worth it, waking up early in the mornin' to go to the Li'l Champ To get you three pickled eggs, some Lay's plain potato chips, and a cold cola I said, "Self, was it worth it?" and my self answered back "Yes, it was real worth it." I miss ya, and I love ya so much I'll do anything to make you mines again I'm oh so lonely, so so sad and blue, I'm spending Christmas Day without you I'm very, very sad and lonely But anyways, let me tell ya somethin'! I do have you and the kids a present this year I had y'all a present last year. But ya know, my alternator broke on my truck and you know I need my truck for to umm, for to go to work And so, I had to take the receipt, take all the presents back, and fix my alternator But I do got you a present this year! I didn't have time to wrap it up I got it in some brown Pick 'N Save bags Also, I got some wine I got some cold duck, baby. You need to open the door, he quackin'! I remember one Christmas maybe three Christmases ago We ran out of ham and you said you wanted another ham But you really didn't say you wanted another ham, I just figured that's what you wanted So they had a. A 12 dozen crab special, so I got you a dozen of big blue crabs I mean, I'm just sayin'. I just hope this Christmas is a little different You know, I just want a little turkey, a li'l a that sweet, sweet plum dressin' Um, you know I just want the kids to be happy. And you know, I. Bonquisha, I know when we got married, I vowed to give you diamonds and pearls But when I hurt my back at work, my workman's comp could only get zirconia and gannon necklaces I also said that when we moved out of your momma's house, we were gonna move into a place double her size That's why I got two trailers and put 'em together - yes, baby, a double wide! All those things I done for you and the kids, but I still have these Xmas Blues Because I'm spending Christmas without the kids and you I love you, Bonquisha. I love you But you know what? One thing I wanna tell you about Christmas. Last year, when you served up all the turkey and ev- And you know all of the trimmings and everything? When the cranberry dressing got 'round to me, there was none left So please, could you. Ah, well, I hope you have two cans of cranberry dressing in there Because I love that cranberry sauce Please, thank you, and please open the door, baby, it's cold