Elaine, you’re like a broken pedal bicycle; off the chain

Your love is too big for Tupperware; can’t be contained

I can’t believe that I’m about to make love to Elaine

Elaine, you’re like a generous French baker; giving me pain

Like website on a server; I’m in your domain

And I feel there’s no escaping you now, Elaine

Because you give me shelter from the storm

Your smile is sweet, your castle warm

Your skin is see-through, teeth are long

Alarm bells ringing!

You say I’m just in time for dinner

I catch your eyeline in the mirror

On inspection, there’s no reflection, I lose my erection, yeah!

Elaine, you sunk your teeth into me, now I’m in pain

You’re cranially adhesive; stuck on my brain

Oh, please remove your teeth from my skull, Elaine

Now you’re sieving the blood from my brain; it’s a mental strain, yeah

And you’re siphoning it into your own vertebral vein, yeah

Why the hell did I choose to holiday in Transylvani-yeah?

In Transylvani-yeah?

Boy, your skin looks so delicious

I just want to give it kisses

And by kisses obviously I mean

Draining the blood from your body

Baby your my fantasy

Baby I just want to see

That blood run scarlet

Wait what’s that in your pocket

A clove of garlic - ahh!

Oh Elaine, you messed with a vampire hunter; I should explain

The villagers sent me here to see you slain

Now the power of Christ compels you to die, Elaine

The power of Christ compels you! Begone foul creature from the north! Too long the villagers have suffered at your hand and your teeth. Receive this stake, the stake in your heart carved from the oak of Thugenfor Forest. Receive it and begone!