This Hollow Ache

Alone Within my thoughts Reflecting On all I've said and done Never once Have I felt satisfied Never again Will I even try Anger, frustration Emotions flare and seethe Hands are shaking, filled with rage Betrayal from loved ones Real or fiction wound the same These feelings and this thinking Though unwarranted, undeserved Lead to a place familiar Back to my well of pain As the initial shock of the pain fades away These cuts, these punctures, these bruises Dissolve to a hollow ache And the cycle continues The finger's pointed but the blame remains Digging deeper within me just causes the world itself to fade Colors draining My eyes go cold and gray As I withdraw within The ground beneath me starts to sink As I am moving forward Led deep into the garden Led to a place familiar Back to my well of pain I know this place and why I'm here All too well, guilt and shame The center of the issues at hand The center and the source of my hollow ache And self-pity, it beckons Despite all I do, it won't shake away The more that I rationalize these thoughts, the more they seem to inflame And the cycle continues The finger's pointed but the blame remains Digging deeper within me just causes the world itself to fade The cycle of dwelling It repeats, it replays My hatred of my own mind Upcycles and unravels Self-hatred and self-loathing Have become second nature I'm learning to accept now That this is good for no one Break wide open Resolve to rid those who've been inflicted with me Of this plague out of shame And self-pity, it beckons Despite all I do, it won't shake away The more that I rationalize these thoughts, the more they seem to inflame And the cycle continues The finger's pointed but the blame remains Digging deeper within me just causes the world itself to fade And the world opened up And I gazed into blackness And I looked all around me And saw nothing but gray I looked into myself And found I matched the darkness With not another thought I dove into my well of pain