Someday (I'll Be Better Than You)

While Sitting in a tavern drinking beer with all my friends Listenin' to the troubles in their lives All their bitchin', belly achin' as to how they'd been forsaken By their bosses and their children and their wives And all of their complainin' just got to be so drainin' I couldn't even finish up my brew So I made a vow right then and there and what it took I didn't care I knew exactly what I's gonna do I said Someday I'll be happy Someday I'll be rich Someday I'll have a lucrative career Someday I'll cruise down Main Street in a big 'ol Cadillac While all of you are cryin' in your beer Someday I'll eat filet mignon while you're all eatin' crow Someday I'll get to tell you what to do Someday I'll be better than you So I pissed away my 20's kissin' ass and droppin' names Steppin' on and stabbin' backs along the way In suit and tie, I scrutinized, assessed the threats and screwed the guys Who threw the dice, but couldn't play the game But when I finally won the race and got the private parking space The office in the corner with the great big wooden desk The friendless emptiness and executive stress Was yankin' on that tie around my neck And I said Someday I'll be Happy Someday I'll find peace Someday I'll reach enlightenment And leave you in the grease Someday I'll be wide awake While you're all fast asleep Someday I'll be a lion Living among sheep Someday I learn the secret And I ain't gonna tell you shit Someday I'm gonna find the truth Yeah, someday I'll be better than you And so I maxed out all my credit cards on Tony Robbins seminars I went to every workshop I could find Learned NLP and EFT and every kind of therapy Meditated til I made my third eye blind But when I found my time line where I met my inner child I was stunned when he looked at me and spoke He said "Man, what the hell is wrong with you? That guru's hippie voodoo he do Only sure to help you wind up broke!" So I said someday I'll be happy Someday I'll find God And when I do, the rest of you can suck my holy rod Someday I'll be a righteous, sanctimonious, sonofabitch Someday I'll see the way, the light And leave you in the pitch Someday I'll be a bible thumping, Jesus Humpin' speakin' toungues Yeah someday I'm gonna walk with you know who Someday I'll be better than you And now I'm old and all alone With cataracts and aching bones Praying to be taken to the other side Alone in all my misery, nobody here to sit with me And every night, I can't help but wonder why And I get this funny feeling, while I'm starin' at the ceiling That perhaps I didn't live my life so well But I'll be ok, on judgement day, when Jesus come take me away And all of you are burnin' in hell That's right, someday I'll be happy Someday I'll be dead I'll rise on up to heaven on the day I shit the bed And I'll no longer be alone, I'll sit beside the fathers thone And all of my transgressions will pass to you instead And from my mansion in the clouds me and Jesus will be lookin down Laughin', laughin' at all of you! Yeah Someday I'll be Better Than You Someday I'll be Better Than You Someday I'll be Better Than You