A Lonely Wank in a Travelodge

Oi!

Oi!

Oi!

Oi!

People think it's a glamorous life

Touring with your songs

But after the gig everyone goes home

And the nights can seem so long

The pretty girls have all got boyfriends

And they all go home to have it off

And I'm left alone in a chain hotel

Trying to imagine them having it off

And it's then there's no way I can dodge...

A lonely wank in a Travelodge

A lonely wank in a Travelodge

A lonely wank in a Travelodge

A lonely wank in a Travelodge

Oi!

Oi!

Oi!

Oi!

I start to think of all the lonely salesmen

Who wanked here before me

They didn’t wanna pay ten quid for wifi

So they just used their 4G

When I’ve finished I'll fill up the tiny little kettle

And I'll make a cup of tea

The batteries are held in with electrical tape

On the remote for the TV

Sometimes I do it in front of the mirror

Just to feel like there's someone else there

But all I see is my crying self

Wanking back at me in despair

The pretty girls have all gone home

With all the handsome boys

I just spent two quid in the vending machine

On a bag of steak McCoys

And now some jizz from my nuts I'll dislodge

Via the medium of…

A lonely wank in a Travelodge

A lonely wank in a Travelodge

A lonely wank in a Travelodge

A lonely wank in a Travelodge

Oi!