If you want the IRS to go away

Go ahead, press 9

If you told a lie and you regret that day

Go ahead, press 5

If you're dodging more than 7 unpaid bills

Go ahead, press 1

If you're stuck in traffic and you wanna kill

Go ahead, press 2

I know that yesterday

Is not that far away

And now I'm all alone

I'll find another way

But maybe not today

'Cos now I'm right at home

If you're worried sick about a third world war

Go ahead, press *

If your evil neighbour's knocking at your door

Go ahead, press 4

I know that yesterday

Is where it's going to stay

And now I', all alone

I'll find the will to stray

Perhaps some other day

But now I'm right at home

If you think your weather's acting kind of strange

Go ahead, press 3

If your old computer died or crashed again

Go ahead, press 8

If your God just seems to be ignoring you

Go ahead, press 6

If your favourite team is just about to lose

Go ahead, press 10

If you're always hungry and you're gaining weight

Go ahead, press 12

If you want the IRS to go away

Go ahead, press 9