Old Days (Meditation)

Sometimes we can look back over the course of our relationships and feel like we just can’t get it right. Oftentimes I’ve found myself thinking that there is something wrong with me or that I’m internally flawed because I’ve lost so many relationships. Somehow, I used to think that I could control a person to stay. As if I behaved properly, learned everything the person liked, desired, and needed, that I could become their everything. Maybe in the hopes that if they always needed me, I would never lose them. But it doesn’t work like that. I’ve tried to become everything for everyone out of fear of losing them....what I discovered was the real loss was in losing myself. Or not even taking the time to discover myself. I wanted to feel loved from everybody else,...but I didn’t know how to give it to myself. Requiring others to give us something that we can only give ourselves is unfair. It’s unfair to them, and it’s unfair to ourselves. You can’t be everything to everybody and one person can’t be everything to you.

Like, Even my idea of “losing” someone is being redefined. When you understand you don’t “own” people, you realize you can’t “lose” them. I’m learning to love people with an open hand. Some come, some go, and some stay. Regardless of their longevity, I’m learning to find gratitude in every moment.

For me, it took disconnecting from relationships that I idolized and fantasized out of fear to find myself. I look back at my exes and my past friendships and there isn’t any anger. I just see a bunch of people trying to learn how to give each other something that they didn’t know how to give themselves....love.

These affirmations were written for those who question if something is wrong with them. For those who blame themselves for the abandonment they’ve experienced. For those who refuse to forgive themselves for how they responded in their most painful moments.

Allow these affirmations to remind you of your beauty.

• I am worth loving

• I don’t need external people or situations to validate me

• I see my past, but I understand that what happened to me, and what happened around me does not define me

• My worth is defined by my being, not by my performance, not by my behavior

• I forgive myself

• I acknowledge I did the best I could do, with what I knew at the time.

• And even in those moments where I deliberately made the wrong choices, I still extend forgiveness to myself.

• I will not hold people hostage for not loving me the way I wanted them to. This was only teaching me how to love myself

• I forgive my past relationships and let go of what I can’t control

• I am ready to love myself completely

• I won’t demand from others, what I refuse to give myself

• I am choosing to treat myself with love, respect, and kindness

• I will take my time in choosing the people I give access to my heart

• I believe in my ability to choose relationships that bring out the best version of me

• I release myself from negative and harmful thoughts and behaviors

• I am free from self resentment

• I deserve love, I will give it to myself