Online

I work down at the Pizza Pit

And I drive an old Hyundai

I still live with my mom and dad

I'm 5'3" and overweight

I'm a sci-fi fanatic, mild asthmatic

I've never been to second base

But there's a whole 'nother me you need to see

Go check out MySpace

'Cause online, I'm out in Hollywood

I'm six-foot-five and I look damn good

I drive a Maserati, I'm a black belt in Karate

And I love a good glass of wine

It turns girls on that I'm mysterious

I tell 'em I don't want nothin' serious

'Cause even on a slow day, I can have a three-way

Chat with two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online

So much cooler online

I get home, I kiss my mom

And she fixes me a snack

I head down to my basement bedroom

And fire up my Mac

In real life, the only time I've

Ever even been to L.A

Was when I got the chance with the marchin' band

To play tuba in the Rose Parade

But online, I live in Malibu

I've posed for Calvin Klein, I've been in GQ

I'm single and I'm rich

And I got a set of six-pack abs that will blow your mind

It turns girls on that I'm mysterious

I tell 'em I don't want nothin' serious

'Cause even on a slow day, I can have a three-way

Chat with two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online

Yeah, I'm cooler online

When you got my kinda stats, it's hard to get a date

Let alone a real girlfriend

But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight

Every time I log in

Online, I'm out in Hollywood

I'm six-foot-five and I look damn good

Even on a slow day, I can have a three-way

Chat with two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online

Yeah, I'm cooler online

I'm so much cooler online

Yeah, I'm cooler online

(Yeah, he's cooler online)

Hey, I'm cooler online

(Oh, yeah, he's cooler online)

Yeah, I'm singin' online

Hey, I'm cooler online

(Yeah)

(Oh, yeah, woo)