Ah, come in, come in, Mr. Simpson!

Welcome to Mousebat Follicle Goose Creature Ampersand

Spong Wapcaplet Loose Liver Vendetta and Prang!

Thank you

Do sit down, my name is Wapcaplet, Adrian Wapcaplet

How do you do?

Now, Mr. Simpson... Simpson, Simpson, French is it?

No

Ah, now I understand you want us to advertise your washing powder

String

String, washing powder, what's the difference? We can sell anything!

Good, well I have this large quantity of string, 122,000 miles of it

To be exact, which I inherited, and I thought if I advertised it-

Of course, a national campaign, useful stuff, string, no trouble there

Ah, but there's a snag, you see. Due to bad planning, the 122

000 Miles is in three-inch lengths, so it's not very useful

Well, that's our selling point! Simpson's individual stringettes!

What?

The Now String! Ready cut, easy to handle, Simpson's

Individual emperor stringettes, just the right length!

For what?

Uh... a million household uses!

Such as?

Uh... tying up very small parcels, attaching notes

To pigeons' legs, uh, destroying household pests-

Destroying household pests? How?

Well, if they're bigger than a mouse, you can strangle them with

It, and if they're smaller, you flog them to death with it!

Surely-

Destroy 99% of known household pests with pre-sliced, rustproof

Easy to handle, low-calorie Simpson's individual emperor

Stringettes, free from artificial coloring, as used in hospitals!

Hospitals?

Have you ever been in a hospital where they didn't have string?

No, but it's only string

Only string? It's everything! It's... it's waterproof!

No, it isn't

Alright, it's water-resistant then!

It isn't

Alright, it's water-absorbent! It's super-absorbent

String! Absorb water today with Simpson's individual

Water-absorbi-tech stringettes! Away with floods!

You just said it was waterproof

Away with the dull drudgery of workaday tidal

Waves! Use Simpson's individual flood preventers!

You're mad!

Shut up, shut up, shut up! Sex, sex, sex, must get sex into it. Wait

I see a television commercial. There's this nude woman in a bath

Holding a bit of your string. That's great, great, but we need a

Doctor, gotta have a medical opinion. There's a nude woman in a bath

With a doctor. That's too sexy. Put an archbishop there watching

Them, that'll take the curse off it. Now, we need children and

Animals. There's two kids admiring the string and a dog admiring the

Archbishop who's blessing the string. Uh, international flavors

Missing. Make the archbishop Greek Orthodox. Why not

Archbishop Makarios? No, no, he's dead. Never mind

We'll get his brother, it'll be cheaper. So, there's

Archbishop Makarios' brother and a doctor in the bath...