I'm Awesome

Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome

I don't necessarily need to be here for this

I'm gonna keep the headphones though

Motherfucker, I'm awesome

No, you're not dude, don't lie

I'm awesome

I'm driving around in my mom's ride

I'm awesome

A quarter of my life gone by

And I met all my friends online

Motherfucker, I'm awesome

I will run away from a brawl

I'm awesome

There's no voice mail, nobody called

I'm awesome

I can't afford to buy eight balls

And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall

You know my pants sag low, low

Even though, though, that went out of style

Like ten years ago, go

Spose, I got the swagger of a cripple

I got little biceps getting fatter in the middle

And lyrically I'm not the best

Physically the opposite of Randy Moss and yet

So preposterous, feel the awesomeness

The most obnoxious guest up at the sausage fest

Oh, yes

The girls are repulsed so I hide in my hood

Like I'm joining a cult

Uh uh, I'm as nervous as my cattle, dirty Curtis

All my writtens are bitten and all my verses are purchased

Me? I'll never date an actress

Got too many back zits

Plus my whole home aroma is cat piss

Every show I do is poorly promoted

And if you like this, it's cause my little sister wrote it

I'm awesome

No, you're not dude, don't lie

I'm awesome

I'm driving around in my mom's ride

I'm awesome

A quarter of my life gone by

And I met all my friends online

Motherfucker, I'm awesome

I will run away from a brawl

I'm awesome

There's no voice mail, nobody called

I'm awesome

I can't afford to buy eight balls

And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall

I'm awesome

Swagger of a cripple

Swagger of a cripple

Check it out

I'm from Maine and don't hunt, nope and I can't ski

Smoke weed but I can't roll blunts

Might be with my wifey

My neck's not icy

Eating at McDonald's because Subway is pricey

Uh, and my unibrow is plucked

Just asked my mom if I could borrow ten bucks

She's like, for what? blunt wraps and some Heinekens?

You skinny prick, go get a gym membership and vitamins

I'm like, mom, please don't blame it on me

I got my bad habits from you, dad and Aunt Steve

My attitude's sour but my futon's sweet

And the hair on my ass it is Jumaji

Suit untailored, ringtone Taylor Swift

Can't tweet up on my Twitter

'Cause I haven't done shit

Bank account red, body ungroomed

The only thing good about me is I'm off stage soon

I'm awesome

No, you're not dude, don't lie

I'm awesome

I'm driving around in my mom's ride

I'm awesome

A quarter of my life gone by

And I met all my friends online

Motherfucker, I'm awesome

I will run away from a brawl

I'm awesome

There's no voice mail, nobody called

I'm awesome

I can't afford to buy eight balls

And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall

I'm awesome

Further more I'm cornier than ethanol

Cheesier than provolone

I spent ages eight to ten living in a motor home

With an ego the size of Tim Duncan

Even though I got shit for brains like a Blumpkin

I'm twenty four serving lobster rolls

Because I spent a decade filling Optimos

And I'm not even the bomb in Maine on my game

And only about as sexy as John McCain

Now put your hands up, if you have nightmares

If you wouldn't man up, if there was a fight here

If you got dandruff, if you drink light beer

I'm out of breath

But I'm awesome

No, you're not dude, don't lie

I'm awesome

I'm driving around in my mom's ride

I'm awesome

A quarter of my life gone by

And I met all my friends online

Motherfucker, I'm awesome

I will run away from a brawl

I'm awesome

There's no voice mail, nobody called

I'm awesome

I can't afford to buy eight balls

And I talk to myself on my Facebook wall

I'm awesome