Not much that I'm not tougher than

But stuck again

Mental health is suffering

Probably need prescriptions

But you know you can't discuss it when

You came up in the projects

Where we was taught to ride it out

And hide emotions

Before mama give us something to cry about

That's what we getting high about

Shxt happened in my house

My Pappy wasn't happy

He blew his phucking mind out

My grandma still lying 'bout

The cause of his passing

I guess she'd rather have a dead son

Than one that's a faggot

Still got some shxt I'ma unpackage

Should phucking spit in your casket

Just learn some shxt bout your passing

And it's hard forgiving you Daddy

They say men that grow up with a lot of mental abuse

Naturally pass it on

But that ain't no phucking excuse

My told me 'bout all the nights that you snuck in his room

Even at family gatherings

How phucking embarrassing

The moments I'm cherishing just ain't hitting the same

'Cause the love that you gave me

He wasn't getting the same

That's why I sip through the pain

Alcoholic just like you

Alcoholic just like your mama

This shxt is a cycle

She thought toxic masculinity would mask and act as remedies

How it affected me?

Shxt, I could rap like 10 of these

Your absence had me impressed with negus that was present

Phucking, looking for acceptance

Who want pxssy for affection?

Now my self-esteem in question

I inherited the shxt

Only therapists can switch

It get buried as a fix

It get buried with the kicks, with a whip, with a chain

With the gas, with the cash

We just burying the pain

Same narrative again

Black people so resilient

That's cause we got so accustomed

Never speaking on our feelings

Plus, boys don't cry

And girl, you too pretty to let tears come from your eyes

That's what we was taught

Shxt been going on since the days that we were bought

Still gotta work the field after your family ripped apart

Now we self-medicating these days

In the PJs

My bestie shooting up

Getting high and puking up

She crying out for help

And the fact I can't do enough

Turned me to an enabler

Hoping to get her stabler

All this built up aggression

Is bound to make me crazier

Too embarrassed to seek help

I can bear with it myself

Shxt

Organized religion got me tricking

Trying to keep the faith

Been here for 15 minutes

And they keep passing this phucking plate

Feel like I'ma suffocate

Praying to white Jesus

But I do it anyway

Can't bite the hand that might feed you

Indoctrinated

They taught us this when we first populated

If we was made in this image

His image looking like we not related

Now I'm praising something that looks nothing like me

That's how they planned the shxt

Keep you docile with promise of grander shit

Need help understanding all this shxt that I was trained to do

Wonder if my grandma met that man that she was praying to

Taught to never question

'Cause it's blasphemy

Gave us the Bible, took our land

That shxt is sad to me

So many voices in my head speaking casually

But bet nobody give a phuck until they bury me

And that's crazy

I ain't crazy

Shit, that's crazy

Everything I'm dealing with lately

That's enough to drive a bxtch crazy

That's crazy