Going Through Changes

I'm going through changes I'm going through changes Lately, I really feel like I'm rollin' for delph like Philly Feel like I'm losing control of myself, I sincerely Apologize if all that I sound like, is I'm complainin' But life keeps on complicatin' and I'm debatin' On leavin' this world, this evenin', even my girls Can see I'm grievin', I try and hide it But I can't, why do I act like I'm all high and mighty When inside, I'm dyin', I am finally realizin' I need help I can't do it by myself Too weak, two weeks I've been havin' ups and downs Goin' through peaks and valleys, dilly-dallyin' 'Round with the idea of endin' the shit right here I'm hatin' my reflection, I walk around the house tryna fight mirrors I can't stand what I look like, yeah, I look fat, but what do I care? I give a -, only thing I fear is Hailie I'm afraid if I close my eyes I might see her, shit I'm going through changes I'm going through changes I lock myself in the bedroom, bathroom, nappin' at noon Yeah, dad's in a bad mood, he's always snappin' at you Marshall, what happened at you? Can't stop with these pills And you've fallen off with your skills And your own fans are laughin' at you It become a problem you're too pussy to tackle, get up Be a man, stand, a real man woulda had this shit handled Know you just had your heart ripped out and crushed They say Proof just flipped out, homie just whipped out and bust Nah, it ain't like Doody to do that He wouldn't fuckin' shoot at nobody, he'd fights first But dwellin' on it only makes the night worse Now I'm poppin' Vic's, perks and Methadone pills "Yeah, Em, tight verse, you killed it" Fuckin' drug dealers hang around me like yes men And they gon' do whatever I says when I says it It's in their best interest to protect their investment And I just lost my fuckin' best friend, so fuck it, I guess then I'm going through changes (Don't know what I'm going through) I'm going through changes (But I just keep on going through changes) My friends just can't understand this new me That's understandable man, but just think how bananas you'd be You'd be an animal too, if you were trapped in this fame and caged in it like a zoo And everybody's lookin' at you, what you want me to do? I'm startin' to live like a recluse and the truth is Fame's startin' to give me an excuse to be at a all-time low I sit alone in my home theater, watchin' the same damn DVD Of the first tour, the last tour, he was still alive And it hurt sore, fast-forward, sleepin' pills'll make me feel alright And if I'm still awake in the middle of the night I just take a couple more, yeah, you're motherfuckin' right I ain't slowin' down for no one, I am almost homeward bound Almost in a coma, yeah, homie, come on, don't look now "Daddy, don't you die on me, daddy, better hold your ground" Fuck! Don't I know the sound of that voice? Yeah, baby, hold me down I'm going through changes (Don't know what I'm going through) I'm going through changes (But I just keep on going through changes) Wake up in the hospital Full of tubes, but somehow I'm pullin' through Swear when I come back I'ma be bulletproof I'ma do it just for Proof, I think I should state a few Facts 'cause I may not get a chance again to say the truth Shit it just hit me that what if I would not've made it through? I think about the things I woulda never got to say to you I'd never get to make it right, so here's what I came to do Hailie, this one is for you, Whitney and Alaina too I still love your mother, that'll never change Think about her every day, we just could never get it together Hey, wish there was a better way for me to say it But I swear on everything, I'd do anything for her on any day There are just too many things to explain, when it rains Guess it pours, yes it does, wish there wasn't any pain But I can't pretend there ain't, I ain't placin' any blame I ain't pointin' fingers, heaven knows I've there never been a saint I know that it feels like we just pissed away our history And just today I looked at your picture, almost if to say I miss you sub-consciously, wish it didn't end this way But I just had to get away, don't know why I don't know what else to say, I guess I'm I'm going through changes (Don't know what I'm going through) I'm going through changes (But I just keep on going through changes)