Headlights (feat. Nate Ruess)

Mom, I know I let you down And though you say the days are happy Why is the power off and I'm fucked up? And, mom, I know he's not around But don't you place the blame on me As you pour yourself another drink, yeah I guess we are who we are Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on Maybe we took this too far I went in headfirst, never thinkin' about who, what I said hurt In what verse, my mom probably got it the worst The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are, did I take it too far? "Cleanin' Out My Closet" and all them other songs But regardless, I don't hate you 'cause, Ma You're still beautiful to me, 'cause you're my Ma Though far be it from you to be calm Our house was Vietnam, Desert Storm And both of us put together could form an atomic bomb Equivalent to chemical warfare And forever we could drag this on and on But agree to disagree, that gift for me Up under the Christmas tree don't mean shit to me You're kickin' me out? It's 15 degrees And it's Christmas Eve, "Little prick, just leave" Ma, let me grab my fucking coat Anything to have each other's goats Why we always at each other's throats? Especially when Dad, he fucked us both We're in the same fuckin' boat You'd think that'd make us close (nope) Further away it drove us, but together, headlights shine And a car full of belongings, still got a ways to go Back to grandma's house, it's straight up the road And I was the man of the house, the oldest So my shoulders carried the weight of the load Then Nate got taken away by the state at eight years old And that's when I realized you were sick And it wasn't fixable or changeable And to this day we remain estranged, and I hate it though, but I guess we are who we are Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on Maybe we took this too far 'Cause to this day we remain estranged, and I hate it though 'Cause you ain't even get to witness your grandbabies grow But I'm sorry, momma, for "Cleanin' Out My Closet" At the time I was angry, rightfully? Maybe so Never meant that far to take it though 'Cause now I know it's not your fault, and I'm not makin' jokes That song I no longer play at shows And I cringe every time it's on the radio And I think of Nathan being placed in a home And all the medicine you fed us and How I just wanted you to taste your own But now the medication's takin' over And your mental state's deterioratin' slow And I'm way too old to cry, the shit is painful though But, Ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan, yo All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both Foster care, that cross you bear, few may be as heavy as yours But I love you, Debbie Mathers Oh, what a tangled web we have 'cause One thing I never asked was Where the fuck my deadbeat dad was Fuck it, I guess he had trouble keepin' up with every address But I'da flipped every mattress, every rock and desert cactus Owned a collection of maps And followed my kids to the edge of the atlas If someone ever moved 'em from me That you coulda bet your asses If I had to come down the chimney, dressed as Santa, kidnap 'em And although one has only met their grandma once You pulled up in our drive one night As we were leavin' to get some hamburgers Me, her and Nate, we introduced you, hugged you And as you left I had this overwhelming sadness Come over me as we pulled off to go our separate paths and I saw your headlights as I looked back And I'm mad I didn't get the chance to Thank you for being my mom and my dad So, mom, please accept this as a Tribute, I wrote this on the jet, I guess I had to Get this off my chest, I hope I get the chance to Lay it 'fore I'm dead, the stewardess said to fasten My seatbelt, I guess we're crashin' So, if I'm not dreamin', I hope you get this message that I will always love you from afar, 'cause you're my mom I guess we are who we are Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on Maybe we took this too far I want a new life (start over) One without a cause (clean slate) So I'm coming home tonight (yeah) Well, no matter what the cost And if the plane goes down Or if the crew can't wake me up Well, just know that I'm alright I was not afraid to die Oh, even if there's songs to sing Well, my children will carry me Just know that I'm alright I was not afraid to die Because I put my faith in my little girls So I'll never say goodbye cruel world Just know that I'm alright I am not afraid to die I guess we are who we are Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on Maybe we took this too far I want a new life