Cleanup Dive

Now I have to reach to find What used to be repeating in my mind Not compelled to tell a lie Though it's easiest to say I'm doing fine Evaded every urge to say The secrets to my state of disarray Shrug it off and lie to my reflection Say it's all going my way I'm learning how to put it into words Clarity will hit me like the shoulder to the face (At any place) Growing up and playing in the dark Demoted from the savior to the sandbox Who let a bright spark go to waste Oh I'm washing myself clean And this torrent's only me Underwater I can breathe On the cleanup dive I see All the backhands I tuned out All the eight tracks played too loud Paintings left at the old house Can't find them now I'm treading on top and the rest of the remnants will drown Felt like I'd be perfect with a couple hundred changes To my body, to my face, my personality, my ways But I've reconciled with everything Reflected on my history Said out loud that none of it's my fault I saw someone on the overpass and swore that it was you Jerked my car onto the shoulder so I could get a better view And it wasn't but I couldn't stop thinkin' about what I'd do But I wouldn't rather never love than fall in love and lose I'm learning how to put it into words Clarity will hit me like a softball to the face At Sharon's place Growing up and playing in the dark Demoted from the savior to the sandbox Who let a bright spark go to waste Oh I'm washing myself clean And this torrent's only me Underwater I can breathe On the cleanup dive I see Moms bedroom radio An old long portfolio Should've called at the old house Can't find it now I'm treading on top and the rest of the remnants will drown