Broke

I'm broke Skint Strapped Brassic This old fella come round to my crumbling abode The band used to rehearse, in his garage I know he's always suffered with Some very serious mental health problems But to me, he's always been a kind and decent fella He knew I was having a rough time So on this day, he brought around two bottles of gin Four bottles of wine, some Fray Bentos pies Six tins of cheap Irish stew A packet of Ginger Nuts, and a loaf of shit bread I was grateful 'cause I was hungry, and I was thirsty I was always thirsty Then he sat down on the sofa and told me he was thinking about murdering his mum That was a bit awkward, so I had a sip of gin Smiled at him I was broke Skint Strapped Brassic I was broke Skint Strapped Brassic It was just before Christmas when I Was sacked from the pub I worked in They'd always warned me that I was more drunk than the customers I considered that a perk of the job 'Parently not Two days later I went for an audition In a department store to be Father Christmas They said I was too thin, and too young Fucking bastards Then I got picked at the post for a job delivering tofu by bicycle The girl who got the job could speak Chinese Which the owner liked I had a girlfriend at the time I called her up and told her of my financial predicament And she sighed the longest sigh that I have ever heard It went like this: Then she said: "Oh for fuck's sake Scott I can't deal with this right now; I'm just going out for lunch with Roland from marketing" "Who the fuck is Roland from marketing?" I thought, as I put the phone down I had the right hump after that, So I phoned a couple of pals to see if they could lend me fifty quid So I could go and get completely, arseholed I was broke Skint Strapped Brassic I was broke Skint Strapped Brassic That Christmas turned out alright, though 'Cause an old mate of mine from Essex phoned me up Said he needed a hand chopping down bushes So we could sell 'em as bonsai trees on Basildon Market We made a small fortune, though it did feel a bit snidey Selling them to the nice old ladies Oh well, much better that Than being broke Skint Strapped Brassic Broke Skint Strapped Brassic That girl dumped me in the end Fuck her I don't know if Chris ever murdered his mum Maybe one day I'll read about it in the paper Thing is I don't read papers! Even if he does kill her It probably won't end up in the papers 'Cause there's so many fucking arseholes in this world Murdering their mums It ain't even news anymore Not me though I have never once thought about murdering my mum She's fucking lovely! As well as that every time I see her She always bungs me a few quid Hopefully one day I'll be able to do the same to my little girl I fucking doubt it though! 'Cause I'm always Broke Skint Strapped Brassic