The Pensive Disarray

I seek to find All the things that i have found All the times that i have lost so I seek to yield To the pressures of today To the pensive disarray But I'm still folding Holding onto what I've got I seek to bring All the gifts of inner core To the ones that i adore so I can surround Myself with the ones i love With the ones i trust and i'm still holding Holding onto what I've got I take the pressure now I take the silent sour I keep believing I hold the reason I hold the answer how Will i know why right now I hold the reason I am deceiving I breathe the I feel the And I wonder I ponder I can't escape from me again Like the silent abode In the tears I will glow It's illusion i crave It's the feeling i savour and the Subatomic niveau Into pieces I go Judging all that I see In the absence of glee and you always say I seek to find All the things that I have found All the times that I have lost so I seek to yield To the pressures of today To the pensive disarray But I'm still folding Holding onto what I've got I take the pressure now I take the silent sour I keep believing I hold the reason I hold the answer how Will i know why right now I hold the reason I am deceiving I know the answer now and feel I know what you have said is real and I am suffering again Taking all the pain I know the answer now and feel I know what you have said is real and I am suffering again Taking all the pain I hold the answer How will I know why right now? What is the reason for this pensive disarray?