I am a sad sack

You can fit me in your backpack

Stuffed way down in the bottom where everything is pitch black

I am lunch sack

Just apple cores and fruit snacks

With way too many problems for you to have to unpack

I am literally way beyond the need for help

And I'm way too fucking anxious to help myself

I can be your monster or just an end to a means

I can be a better tool than a friend or fiend

So when your boss has finally gone too far

There's no easier way to retire

So just pick up the phone and call a murder person for hire

You're playing blackjack

With a deck that is all black

Only kings and queens up your sleeve with a very handy card stack

I can bring a rucksack

Fill it with guns and wear a face mask

And with a bulletproof vest, I'll wait 'til its time to get some payback

I am literally way beyond the need for help

And I'm way too fucking anxious to help myself

I can be your monster or just an end to a means

I can be a better tool than a friend or fiend

So when your dad has finally gone too far

There's no easier way to retire

There's no better queer to admire

So just pick up the phone

Just pick up the phone

Just pick up the phone and call a murder person for hire