I'm Glad I'm Not Young Anymore

Poor boy, poor boy Down-hearted and depressed and in a spin Poor boy, poor boy Oh, youth can really do a fellow in How lovely to sit here in the shade With none of the woes of man and maid I'm glad I'm not young anymore The rivals that don't exist at all The feeling you're only two-feet tall I'm glad that I'm not young anymore No more confusion No morning-after surprise No self-delusion That when you're telling those lies She isn't wise And even if love comes through the door The chance that goes on forever more Forever more is shorter than before Oh, I'm so glad that I'm not young anymore The tiny remark that tortures you The fear that your friends won't like her too I'm glad I'm not young anymore The longing to end the stale affair Until you find out she doesn't care I'm glad that I'm not young anymore No more frustration No star-crossed lover am I No aggravation Just one reluctant reply "Lady, goodbye" The fountain of youth is dull as paint Methuselah is my patron saint I've never been so comfortable before Oh, I'm so glad that I'm not young anymore