Ironic

An old man turned ninety-eight

He won the lottery and died the next day

It's a black fly in your Chardonnay

It's a death row pardon two minutes too late

And isn't it ironic?

Don't you think?

Hold up, wait a second

That's actually not ironic

Right?

If we're using irony as defined in Greek tragedy

I don't see how, like, a fly in your beverage applies

That's not irony

That's just like- shitty

Can I please finish my piece?

Mr. Play-It-Safe was afraid to fly

He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye

He waited his whole damn life to take that flight

And as the plane crashed down he thought, "Well, isn't this nice"

And isn't it ironic?

It's not though

It would be irony if the guy in the crash was like an airplane mechanic

How 'bout you guys let her finish?

It's like rain on your wedding day

It's a free ride when you've already paid

It's the good advice that you just didn't take

And who would've thought, it figures

Well, life has a funny way

Of sneaking up on you when you think everything's okay

And everything's going right

And life has a funny way

Of helping you out when you think everything's gone wrong

And everything blows up in your face

A traffic jam when you're already late

A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break

It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife

It's like meeting the boy of my dreams

And then meeting his-

I'm not seeing anyone

And isn't it ironic?

Don't you think?

A little too ironic

Yeah, I really do think

It's like rain on your wedding day

It's a free ride when you've already paid

It's the good advice that you just didn't take

And who would've thought, it figures

Well, life has a funny way

Of sneaking up on you

Yeah, life has a funny, funny way of helping you out

Helping you out