People get mad if you're wearing the mask. That's crazy. I was in Dallas, Texas. I go to get in the back of the Uber, I'm holding a coffee. I'm wearing a mask. Do we all understand? That's a very important point of the story. Holding a coffee, wearing a mask. I go to get the back the, the drivers wearing no mask he's holding in his hand. He goes, You want me to put this on?
And I'm like, Yeah, dude. He goes, Fuck.
I didn't want that at all.
That's not what I wanted, because the tension was palpable. It felt like he thought, I like telling him what to do is if I was in the back slowly masturbating like, yeah, put on that fucking mask bitch.
Do it slow, you bitch, left ear, right ear. Now whisper hope and change, do it. Say Barack Obama. That's not what I want to be, but that mask, the minute I had to tell them to put it on, we get separated, we go to either side of the aisle right, I'm lefty, McMask Face Vegan fuck. In fact, he's righty, Joe AR15, I hate immigrants.
When we're more alike than he wants to believe, we're exactly alike, probably. I told you I got in the Uber with a coffee and the mask. My plan was to get in, pull down the mask, take a couple sips, pull it back up, pull sip sip mother fucker. That, that explains every political affiliation I have, I'm from the pull sip sip party. I'll go along till I have to, I'll act like I'm involved, Pull sip sip.
That's also how I go down on women. Just pull sip sip, pull sip sip, pull sip sip, It sounds right, but the physical part doesn't seem right.
If I had gotten in that Uber and he was like, do you want me to put this mask on? And I was like, yeah dude.
And he was like, well, you can go fuck yourself and roll down a window. I honestly just would have been like, new normal.
And we would have moved on.
That's the problem. The mask is a creative solution. We have stricken all creativity out of this conversation because we make people right or left. The mask is to me, I'm like, good, put a fucking cloth in your face.
Why not? I'll do whatever the fuck I can so we don't have to sit here with Mortal Kombat conventions going on everywhere.
