The Baseball Game

Proud of you!

We're sitting

And watching Jason play baseball

We're watching Jason play baseball

We're watching Jewish boys

Who cannot play baseball, play baseball

We're watching Jewish boys

Who cannot play baseball play

I hate baseball, I really do

Unlike the rest of you

I hate baseball

We really wish he'd take this more seriously!

It's weird how he swings the bat!

It's weird how he swings the bat

Oh!

And why does he have to throw like that?

We're sitting

And watching Jason make errors

The most pathetical errors

We're watching Jewish boys

Who almost read Latin

Up, battin'

And battin' bad

Remember Sandy Koufax

You can do it if you wanna do it

Take heart from Hank Greenberg

It's not genetic

Even you can be copacetic

I think, I think

I think you can, I think you can

We're sitting

And watching Jason play baseball

We're watching Jason play baseball!

We're watching Jewish boys

We're watching Jewish boys

We're watching

Slide, Jason

Slide, Jason

Slide!

What is he doing here?

What are you doing here?

Jason asked me to come

Since he asked me to come, I came

Just what I wanted at a Little League game

My ex-husband's ex-lover!

Isn't that what every mother dreams about

Having at a Little League game?

Looking at Whizzer is like eating trayf

The kid was out!

The kid was safe!

The kid was out!

That kid was safe!

Hey!

(sung)

I love baseball

I love Jason

That's what I'm doing here

Hey, where the hell'd they get that umpire? Oops, sorry. Sorry!

Look who's here

Say hello

Hello.​

You're looking sweeter than a donut

Marvin.​

Whizzer.​

Is he still queer?

Am I queer?

I don't know!

Does it matter?

It's been so long since I could tell

Sit in front of me

I wanna see the bald spot!

(spoken)

C'mon, c'mon!

(sung)

Move in front of me

It gives me pleasure to see the bald spot!

Since it's the only

Physical imperfection that you've got

I wanna see it

I wanna touch it

I wanna run my hands through it!

We're sitting

And watch the kid as he misses!

We're watching Marvin throw kisses

We're watching sixty-seven pounders

Watching Jewish boys miss grounders

Watching boys field, boys bat

Boys this, boys that

Watching Jason on deck

Come on!

Swinging the bat!

Here we go, honey!

Woo!

Hey, Jason!

Oh, hi, Whizzer! Glad you came!

Keep your head in the box

Don't think of a thing

Keep your head in the box

Your eye on the ball

Take a breath, then let it out

And swing!

That's what I'm talking about. That's how it's supposed to look!

Keep your head in the box (Keep your head in the box)

Don't think of a thing (Don't think of a thing)

Keep your head in the box (Keep your head in the box)

Your eye on the ball (Your eye on the ball)

Take a breath, then let it out

And swing!

Okay, go get 'em!

Thanks, Whizzer!

Even bald, he looks good

Just remember he's psychotic

He looks damn good, but he's cheap as dirt

Even maniacs can charm

Which he does, so beware

And just be careful

When he smiles that smile, avoid him

Or else sound the alert!

Whizzer?

Marvin?

Do you think there's any hope for the kid?

I love Jason, but this is... not his venue.​

How could I know (How could I know)

Without him

My life would be boring as shit?

Batter up!

But it is

Jason! You got this, buddy! Come on, buddy! Come on!

Jason, you gotta stand a little closer to the plate!

Next to it.​

Yes, it is

Get in there!

He's gonna be hit by the ball!

Please, God, don't let me make the same mistake!

We're sitting

And watching Jason, the batter

We know our cheering won't matter

It is the very final inning

And the other team is winning

And there's two outs, two strikes

But the bases are loaded and

Would it be possible to see you, or to kiss you

Or to give you a call?

Anything's possible

Jason hit

The ball!

(spoken)

Run!