My Last Breath

I was in a dark place, locked away, New Years 91

My heart as it beat echoed defeat, I was barely hanging on

I was in a haze, my body was drained of chemicals and drugs

As the door slammed behind me, part of me died, broken and unloved

You don't need to understand me

I blamed myself when i was just a kid

For not being stronger, for not fitting in

You never saw what was in my heart

I have no memories of growing up, only of falling apart

Without you helping me to get through

The days where winter erased the strength that I had to wake up and face the world

Where I never had a place, a persistent vision was my only escape

Until Boston, Mass mid-nineties, Longfellow St. back in DC

I saw the puzzle pieces differently, surrounded by friends who believed in me

You don't need to understand me

I blamed myself when i was just a kid

For not being stronger, for not fitting in

You never saw what was in my heart

I have no memories of growing up, only of falling apart

Without you helping me to get through

I was one of three and I want so desperately

To raise my daughter differently, not scared and not lonely

So she can see my best and will learn from the rest

But the thought of it will haunt me until my last breath

I won't fall apart, I won't let you down

The hole in my heart, is filled with you now