How Come My Dog Don't Bark (When You Come Around)

Now you say you ain't never met my wife

You ain't never seen her before

Say you ain't been hangin' 'round my crib

Well here's something I wanna know

I wanna know what in the world is goin' down

How come my dog don't bark when you come around?

I got the baddest dog, he'll bite anybody

He bit my little brother, took a chunk outta my old sweet lil mother

He bit the mailman, he sees him every day

He takes one look at you, he wanna jump up and play

Now I ain't got a clue as to what you puttin' down, but

How come my dog don't bark when you come around?

My dog is dangerous, try to set people straight

Even bought a bad dog sign and hung it on the gate

Here you come trippin' about a quarter to nine

Full of that night train wine, tryin' to slide past the sign

My dog been noddin' off, ain't payin' you no mind

That's my dog, when I come home he don't sleep that sound

How come my dog don't bark when you come around?

I still don't like it, I don't dig it one damn bit

Way you and my dog's so tight, something don't fit

Now I slipped through the alley, I called my dog

Said, get up off your rusty duster, move a little faster

To your old master, you old cayoodle, you

He took one look at me and he growled

And he ran straight to you

Now somebody's been confusin' my poor hound

And I wanna know what's goin' down

How come my dog don't bark when you come around?

Maybe I better call up Jacoby and Myers

And you can take the fifth, amendment that is

You better stand up for your rights

'Cause you might not be standin' too long

I'm gon' stop all this confusion, I'ma fire that hound

Shoot that dog down

Then I'm gon' get busy mutilatin', strangulatin', operatin' and crematin'

My old lady down at the cremation station

Then I'm go' torch that, too

And come right on after you

And you can give your heart and soul to charity

And all the rest gon' belong to me

I'm goin' straight down to that barber supply shop

Get me a pearl handle, double edge, hollow ground

Super blue blade, adjustable, stainless steel, honed edge

Both blades on the same side, so when I cut you once

You gon' bleed twice

Goin' and comin'

And if you don't believe me, shake your head

It'll be singin', I ain't got no body

'Cause on night I did a little FBI, 007 type investigatin'

You and my old lady thought I was gone but I wasn't gone

That's why I had to separate you from your crown

And the only sound you gon' hear when you six feet in the ground

How come my dog didn't bark when you came around?