Dark

I don't know where to begin I don't know where I should start All I know is that it's dark And this has been very hard on my heart Just trying to keep up my guard I'm emotionally scarred Yeah I might be out in the battle But I haven't been able to get a handle Or a grip on my thoughts even though I'm a man of God my whole life's falling apart All my fears are now evident I put myself out there but it's like you'll never let me in I took the first step but now it's just embarrassing How we could be together but I struggle with abandonment I've never felt so alone Never felt so alone I've just been wanting to pick up the phone To call my dad and tell him what's wrong and what's going on But I don't know how It's like I forgot how to dial Been feeling like this for a while Ever since I think I was a child Could never reach out in my trial Just figure it out I wonder if I'll ever stop faking this smile I'm just trying to figure it out I'm just trying to figure it out Your call has been forwarded to an automated I don't know where to begin I don't know where I should start All I know is that it's dark And this has been very hard on my heart Just trying to keep up my guard I'm just falling apart Really want to have a heart to heart About the marks that I received from an ill regard From thinking "not me Lord" Getting cut so hard That my blood turned to battle scars If you only knew the darkest parts How I wake up every morning with this hardened heart Cause my mind has started All these darts bombarding I can hardly sleep anymore I'm sorry I just want to be set free Yeah all I think about is how I never want to think about How all this happened to me What I really want is sleep What I really want is peace What I really want to find is a way to beat What I've been deceived to believe It's not reality I'm in my own world sad to see How everything I think about keeps on attacking me With strategy I'm practically a casualty Of my own lack of being happily Connected with Christ the King your majesty This has to be the results of an abandoned Christianity I don't know where to begin I don't know where I should start All I know is that it's dark And this has been very hard on my heart just trying to keep up my guard and I don't know where to begin I don't know where I should start All I know is that it's dark Would a week be long to think we've ended What we keep strong? No I think we've ended it I'm keeping on can't keep on letting All this thinking wrong keep me so offended It's the hardest time of my whole life Hardest time of my whole life And I feel ashamed All I want is to escape into better days And take away all the pain of this trial Look at the weight of this pile I could keep running for miles Doesn't even mean that I'll Stop feeling the wiles Making me feel suicidal I wonder if I'll ever stop faking this smile I'm just trying to figure it out I'm just trying to figure it out I'm just trying to figure it out I'm just trying to figure it out I'm just trying to figure it out