Hail the Chap

One and a-two! At the approach of the millennial malaise There were blights with a need of a perennial braze The age of the Corinthian, the plunderer and the dandy Had given way to that of the prig and the bore Just before boredom became a modus operandi Some said stop the rot, I shall take no more Society's floundering in squalid desperation And what's wanted to save it was a savvy publication Now, I've often wondered how best to dress for wrestling Or between ties and cravats, which was the best thing? Were there really seventy-three ways to doff one's hat? There were! I'd rather suspected that At last we were decanted knowledge sweet as sherry The Chap was here, we were all so very Glad of it. You can stay in standard evolution Or come and join us in our dandy revolution Give your pipe a tap Park your rap or trap Raise your hat or cap As we say, all hail The Chap All hail The Chap Now we all know rules are there to be broken But never have truer words been spoken And in the code hereafter, hey presto, Hear the ten rules of The Chap manifesto Thou shalt always wear tweed Is the only fabric you shall ever need Thou shalt never not smoke Pipes made from briar, booze aged in oak Always be courteous to the ladies Give an air of Zeus with a dash of Hades Never ever wear PANTALOONS DE NIMES Come on young scam there's still time to switch teams Thou shalt always doff one's hat If you're flanneur or simply like to stop and chat Never fasten the lower button of one's WESKIT Look, we don't make the rules it's just the best kit Thou shalt always speak properly Don't give the Westwoods a monopoly Never wear plimsolls if not doing sport Unless you're a chap-hop superstar sort Always worship the trouser press Good Mr. Corby, he knows best Always cultivate interesting facial hair But on the top, here, not under there It's a call to charms, a design for living Within a world so unforgiving Where sloth and banality are the standard brew Well, we've upped our standards So up yours too! Give your pipe a tap Park your rap or trap Raise your hat or cap As we say, all hail The Chap All hail The Chap All hail The Chap (One and a-two!) All hail The Chap (Once again for luck) All hail The Chap