Town Meeting Song

Listen, everyone There were objects so peculiar They were not to be believed All around, things to tantalize my brain It's a world unlike anything I've ever seen And as hard as I try¸, I can't seem to describe Like a most improbable dream But you must believe when I tell you this It's as real as my skull and it does exist Here, let me show you This is a thing called a present The whole thing starts with a box (a box?) Is it steel? (Are there locks?) Is it filled with a pox? (A pox, how delightful, a pox) If you please Just a box with bright-colored paper And the whole thing's topped with a bow A bow? But why? How ugly What's in it? What's in it? That's the point of the thing, not to know It's a bat (will it bend?) It's a rat (will it break?) Perhaps it's the head that I found in the lake? Listen now, you don't understand That's not the point of Christmas land Now, pay attention Now we pick up an oversized sock And hang it like this on the wall Oh, yes! Does it still have a foot? Let me see, let me look Is it rotted and covered with gook? Hmm, let me explain There's no foot inside, but there's candy Or sometimes it's filled with small toys (small toys) Do they bite? (Do they snap?) Or explode in a sack? Or perhaps they just spring out and scare girls and boys What a splendid idea This Christmas sounds fun I fully endorse it, let's try it at once Everyone, please now, not so fast There's something here that you don't quite grasp Well, I may as well give them what they want And the best, I must confess, I have saved for the last For the ruler of this Christmas land Is a fearsome king with a deep mighty voice Least that's what I've come to understand And I've also heard it told That he's something to behold Like a lobster, huge and red And he sets out to slay with his rain gear on Carting bulging sacks with his big great arms That is, so I've heard it said And on a dark, cold night Under full moonlight He flies into a fog Like a vulture in the sky And they call him Sandy Claws Well, at least they're excited But they don't understand That special kind of feeling in Christmas land Oh, well