Social Media: The Unverified Rusical

Ladies and gentlemen, trollers and scrollers Tonight is all about you and the living hell you've created I know what you're thinking Has she always been this bitter? Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back? Oops, I just got canceled Log in, sign on with your e-mail Log in, sign on, you'll feel swell In this new day, more world decay Is just one-a click away Our cautionary tale begins innocently enough at Tuckahoe University As computer genius Markie Tuckenberg works late into the night Foxy, I did it I invented a new social network And I'm calling it, Fistbook Fistbook? Markie, do you еven know what that means? Ew, nevеrmind Hold up What if we used this social network to connect people around the world? I guess I could collect all their personal data We'll call it Face, Face, Facelook You know, that might just work Ice Bucket Challenges, posts of me planking Sending a cat meme to get the world laughing Avocados looking fancy on toast Everyone loves my Face, Face, Facelookie post (Oh ho ho ho) Gold or blue, what color's that dress? YOLO, who cares when your hashtag is blessed? Rickrolling, twerking, I'm not one to boast But everyone loves my Face, Face, Facelookie post And now I'm rolling in dough In dough I own one hundred percent of this social platform Oh my God, I'm a freakin' tech genius Foxy, cover up But one platform wasn't enough for you hungry little hippos Was it? Heart, Livestream, Tweet, Resume (cha-cha-cha) Heart, Livestream, Tweet, Resume (cha-cha-cha) She uses her vanity to take away your sanity May I present, Miss InstaGlam (I may give you FOMO but my filters give you life) I'm your favorite app 'cause I make you look good Double-tappin' my thirst traps like I knew you would In my Stories, on my grid, you can ogle all day Makin' you an Insta-star, get rich the Insta-way Do it for the glam, post to your feed Do it for the glam, post to your Stories Glam it (glam it) Glam it (glam it) I may give you FOMO but my filters give you life Do it for the glam Okay, Lady Tweets, you're next Keep it brief I am the perfect medium for modern intellectuals Comedians, celebrities, and the political Even 45, the orange one, used me To post posts most diabolical Is that all you've got to say? Whatever's trending on me is not merely allegorical But algorithms programmed through means mathematical Hashtags and the at-symbol make this world more radical You can go to bed happy and then wake up and you're canc-icaled (One more time), faster I swear to God, if you make me sing another syllable I'll gladly come down there and I will punch you in the clavicle I said my piece already, and frankly, I was exceptional Now mind your own damn business, you bossy homosexual (Oh, oh my God, oh, girl) And now, the boss bitch herself The Reverend Dr. Mrs. Linked-All-The-Way-In You go, girl (Watch me work, work, baby) You want a side hustle? (go) Flex your work muscle (huh) You wanna get hired, wanna be desired? Upload your res, sis (hey) Tell 'em your skills, sis (huh) Just come to me, sis I'm a profesh, sis Show 'em you're the boss For a manager at Ross They wanna interview ya Make 'em all pursue ya Keep on gettin' hired And hired and hired and hired and hired (ooh) I'm a profesh, sis Time to get disruptive with Miss TokTik (Just 15 seconds to save the Earth) Tok-tik, tok-tik, tok-tik (Just 15 seconds to save the Earth) Boomers, OK, this ain't for y'all Millennials, your reign's about to fall Gen Z is ready to play ball We're taking over (We're the lone stars) Just let us be us (This new world of sounds) Dancing for social justice We're the full Gen (15 seconds to save the Earth) Don't-play-by-the-rules Gen (15 seconds to save the Earth) Resetting-your-clock Gen (15 seconds to save the Earth) (We're the Z Gen) What are you kids doing in there? Ugh, Mom, leave us alone Ladies, excuse me I've got a bone to pick with you And it's a big bone I've had my account suspended by every one of you Why? (Um, you show too much skin) What ever happened to sex positivity? Free the nipple Don't say what I can post, you know I'm stunning All people want sex, not body shunning So just cancel your plans to troll on my crusade I gotta post pics, gotta flaunt my tits Watch me do the splits, like, sis Hey, life's online and I'm lookin' fly And I've gotta get those likes, sis I'm free to post and be me Get laid, blow shade, and spill tea My assets make you go, "Wow" Boys see my thot shots And pow (and pow) Yo, Mrs. Tuckenberg, what do you think of me now? Sorry, Foxy, but you're banned forever (Ooh, bye-bye) Hello, darlings, I'm Natasha, this is Nikita But you can call us Click and Bait Mother Russia, my cold heart is true We'll make you so proud Putin' a fix on the red, white, and blue We want to ruin USA It's easy to do in USA Oh, so naïve in USA This will be Putin's USA Information laundering's fun Photoshop pics to fool everyone Spreading conspiracies daily Like Democrats hate Israelis I got a cute name, it's QAnon These gullible tyrants will be our pawns Pizzagate has gone viral Now we sit back and watch it spiral (Oo-woo-oo-ooh) We want to ruin USA Divide and destroy USA We're talking clicks in USA All fools get tricked in USA Suddenly, the whole world is totally divided You're not woke Healthcare's a joke 5G's a conspiracy Voting leads to tyranny Holy crap, my grandma's a racist? (Ooh girl, no ma'am, uh-huh) Stop, you fools It wasn't always like this Back in my day Back in your day? Didn't you know? She used to be Friendster Google it I just can't face it What is it you can't face? Let us all be Friendster We can make it trend Hand in hand together Before I reach my end Oh, she's like, dead It's 2006 all over again The Internet was supposed to be a modern miracle But look at us now! Markie, do you remember why you started Face, Face, Facelook in the first place? To collect everybody's personal data No, so the world could come together Oh, right That'll never happen Call me an old-fashioned, thick and juicy, sex-positive dreamer But I know we can do better Do you see the people's posts? Posting accurate things once again These are the postings of a people who Won't be duped again It's your responsibility To weed (yeah) Out (weed out) The lies (weed out the lies) Lies, Liza Minnelli lies