Poor Unfortunate Souls

I admit that in the past I've been a nasty They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch But you'll find that nowadays I've mended all my ways Repented, seen the light, and made a switch True? Yes And I fortunately know a little magic It's a quality I always have possessed And dear lady, please don't laugh I use it on behalf Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed (Pathetic) Poor unfortunate souls In pain, in need This one longing to be thinner That one wants to get the girl And do I help them? Yes, indeed Those poor unfortunate souls So sad, so true They come flocking to my cauldron Crying, "Spells, Ursula, please!" And I help them Yes I do Now it's happened once or twice Someone couldn't pay the price And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals Yes I've had the odd complaint But on the whole I've been a saint For those poor unfortunate souls The men up there don't like a lot of blabber They think a girl who gossips is a bore Yes, on land it's much prefered for ladies not to say a word And after all dear, what is idle prater for? Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation True gentlemen avoid it if they can But they dote and swoon and fawn On a lady who's withdrawn It is she who holds her tongue who gets a man Come on you poor unfortunate soul Go ahead Make your choice I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day It won't cost much Just your voice You poor unfortunate soul It's sad but true If you wanna cross the bridge, my sweet You've got the pay the toll Take a gulp and take a breath And go ahead and sign the scroll Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've got her, boys The boss is on a roll For this poor unfortunate soul