How Do You Lie to Your Child About Santa (feat. Lucy Wainwright Roche)

How do you lie to your child about Santa?

How do you lie to your child about Santa?

I find it very stressful

How do you tell your 4-year-old

About this lie of a man

While you teach her she can’t

Believe all that she’s told?

I find it quite insulting

How do you tell an innocent child

About rights and wrongs

And doodles and dongs

While you lie about elves all the while?

How do you lie to your child about Santa?

How do you lie to your child about Santa?

I find it so perplexing

Why tell a real human being

That a jolly old man

On a roof, sack in hand

Isn’t as weird as he seems?

I find it all frustrating

How do you get a kid to believe

In invisible germs

Or loved ones in urns

Once the lie about Santa’s perceived

How do you lie to your child about Santa?

How do you lie to your child about Santa?

Don’t be scared of the dark

But also, a stranger is watching you

You’re not a bad kid, you’re just having a hard time

But also, if you’re bad you get coal

Is Santa real?

Great question.

Ummmmm...

Baruch atah, I don't know?

What kind of cookies do we leave for Santa?

Santa like local flavors... Maybe Snickerdoodle?

In Norway they leave a beautiful, blonde baby. Yum yum.

How does magic work?

It's probably science we can't understand — like cell phones or hair dryers. They explain it in the first Thor movie.

Have you been good?

Good enough. Pony good, no. But you've definitely been soccer-ball-good.

If Santa is real, are monsters real?

Yes.

Does Santa have free will?

No... he must repeat the same year over and over, just like Justin Bieber.

But if Santa isn't real, why should you be good?

Because of the social contract... so we have a prosperous, functioning society.

How do you lie to your child about Santa?

How do you lie to your child about Santa?