Junky (The Confessions of JD Vance) [The Confessions of Jd Vance]

JUNKY (The Confessions of JD Vance)

My name is JD Vance and it’s a sorry tale I tell

for I fell for the golden calf and now I’m going to hell

I was born Rust Belt riffraff, no silver spoon in my mouth,

but the lure of loot took me and my values all went south

I was “a never Trump guy” until the Trump guys won

Declared “I never liked him” then had to change my tune

Said he might be “America’s Hitler” until he made me come

to attention any time he talked or walked into a room

I called him a “fraud,” called him “unfit,”

a quack pill to relieve our pain

his promised fix all cut counterfeit

and “the needle in America’s collective vein”

“My god what an idiot!” I did once tweet

but when he took my hand and offered me a seat

at that table piled high with horse and red meat

I cuckolded my country and kissed the traitor’s feet

‘Cause I got a soul like a slinky, I’m supremely supine

and like Lisa Loopner’s dad, I was born without a spine

I wanted what I’d never had, lord, wanted it so bad

it left me kneeling unclad at the MAGA shrine

He’s an “Opioid for the masses,” I did proclaim

back in the elegiac days when I still had a brain

Now I’m strung out on hot flashes in the ashes of my campaign

and it’s white light white heat, mama, driving that train

He is “cultural heroin” is what I did maintain

before going down to the crossroads

to sell my soul to the devil and throw in with a gang

of filthy rich predator assholes

A whole slew of views I did then have to delete

for that heroin’s now my life, and it’s my wife... so to speak

I put aside all morals to sate my lust for laurels

said I do when he wooed me to be his lawfully vetted veep

Yeah, Donald threw me a bone and I saw a door to glory

and sold my soul for a home in the Naval Observatory

Punched with no hesitancy my ticket to the vice-presidency

Topped off my apostasy with a lament that will live in infamy,

an off-key minstrelsy, oh, this silk-stocking elegy

has soiled evermore my legacy with GOP depravity...

For I’m as supple as a slinky, I’m as tough as a Twinkie

and like Lisa Loopner’s pop, don’t got me no backbone

With my moral compass shot and my cover now blown

I’ll shape-shift to the top and kowtow till the cows come home

They say he’s all conniving, no more loyal than a rat

They say they saw him knifing Mike Pence in the back

But the die has cast me as his flunky, lo, the groveling junky

swilling the orange Kool-Aid and shooting up orange smack

And I... didn’t know... just where I was going, or if I was fakin’

but I... I was gonna try... to get in on the takin’

takin’ a childless cat lady Satan to break the bones of our nation

oh that “cultural heroin” got me hooked and cooked my ruination

Yeah, I gave up my convictions, but who cares at the end of the day?

My dealer’s got thirty-four of his own and a bunch more on the way

Yeah, there’s a hole in my hillbilly soul where all the money goes

And yeah, Jesus Christ died for nothing, I suppose...

Now that orange monkey on my back is getting ready to foreclose

Oh why’d I cut that deal with the devil?

Why’d I go down to the crossroads?

But then the fraud begins to flow and I really don’t care anymore

when that MAGA is in my blood and that blood goes to my head

then I thank God that I’m good as dead and thank God that I’m not aware

and thank God I just don’t care, and I guess I just don’t know...

Oh, and I guess I just don’t know, I just don’t know