Solo Song

Susie had a big problem that Johnny didn't know She was horny and she wanted him inside her making love But Johnny rarely wanted it, and to her that was a crime One day Susie told Johnny, you spend far too much time Beating your meat And tuggin' your chain Boppin' your bologna Walking the snake Cleaning the pipe Diddling your dong Choking the sheriff So the posse will come Polishing your rocket Pounding your pud Spanking the monkey Oiling the glove Squeezing your lemon Buttering your biscuit Turning the antenna Mangling the midget But Johnny had a big problem that Susie didn't get He was just as horny as any guy, and liked his women yet But Susie always nagged him, and loved to pick a fight So Johnny told her, Susie, maybe it's best you spend your nights Greasing your hips Or fanning your fur Polishing the peanut Playing poker Tickling the kitty Checking for squirrels Buffing the weasel Polishing the pearl Flipping the bean Or pushing the button Hitchhiking to heaven Goin' spelunkin' Strummin' the banjo Testing the plumbing Stroking two lips Or buffin' the muffin When Susie heard Johnny complain it started a big fight They planned to leave each other and just masturbate that night But it turned her on to watch him hard, and he liked her getting wetter So now they agreed when they make love to masturbate together Pulling the piss pump Cuffing the puppy Airing the orchid Brushing her bunny Pealing the carrot Rubbing his nob Groping the grotto Feeding her slot Pulling the wire Snapping the whip Taunting the turtle Toggling the bit Fondling the fig In hand to gland combat Parting the red sea Wrestling her wombat This song won't make you go blind Or grow hair on your palms But it might make you mad So if it does, take matters into your own hands Maybe, even start strumming along, making your own song Maybe, if you don't want to play with me Try playing with yourself