Making Things Up Again

And lo, the Lord said unto the Nephites, "I, uh, I know you're really depressed

What with all your AIDS and everything, but there is an answer in Christ"

You see? This book can help us!

I just told a lie

No, wait, I didn't lie

I just used my imagination

And it worked!

You're making things up again, Arnold

But it worked, Dad!

You're stretching the truth again

And you know it

Don't be a Fibbing Fran, Arnold

Joseph Smith?

Because a lie is a lie

It's not a lie!

You're making things up again, Arnold

Oh, conscience!

You're taking the holy word and adding fiction

Be careful how you proceed, Arnold

When you fib, there's a price

Eh, this is bullshit!

The story that I have been told is that the way to cure AIDS is by sleeping with a virgin

I'm going to go and rape a baby!

What?! Oh my-no! You can't do that! No!

Why not?

Because that is definitely against God's will!

Says who? Where in that book of yours does it say anything about sleeping with a baby, huh?

Nowhere

Uh, behold! The Lord said to the Mormon prophet Joseph Smith, "You shall not have sex with that infant!"

Lo! Joseph said, "Why not, Lord? Huh? Why not?"

And the Lord said, "If you lay with that infant, you shall burn in the fiery pits of Mordor!"

Really?

Uh-huh, uh-huh, "A baby cannot cure your illness, Joseph Smith, I shall give unto you a, a frog!"

And thus, Joseph laid with the frog, and his AIDS was no more

Oh!

You're making things up again, Arnold

You're recklessly warping the words of Jesus!

You can't just say what you want, Arnold

Come, on, Hobbits!

You're digging yourself a deep hole

I'm making things up again, kind of

But this time, it's helping a dozen people

It's nothing so bad because this time

I'm not committing a sin

Just by making things up again, right?

No!

Elder Cunningham, you have to stop him!

What? What is it?

Gotswana is going to cut off his daughter's clitoris

Huh?

This is all very interesting, but women have to be circumcised if that's what the General wants

No, doing that to a lady is definitely against Christ's will

How do you know? Christ never said nothin' 'bout no clitoris

Yes! Yes, he did!

In ancient New York, three men were about to cut off a Mormon woman's clitoris

But right before they did, Jesus had Boba Fett turn 'em into frogs

Frogs?

You mean like the frogs that got fucked by Joseph Smith?

Right, right! Like those frogs

For a clitoris is holy amongst all things, said he

You're making things up again, Arnold (We're learning the truth)

You're taking the holy word and adding fiction (The truth about God)

Be careful how you proceed, Arnold (We're going to paradise)

When you fib, there's a price

Who would have thought

I'd have this magic touch?

Who'd have believed I could man up this much?

I'm talking, they're listening

My stories are glistening

I'm gonna save them all with this stuff

You're making things up again, Arnold (Elder Cunningham!)

You're making things up again, Arnold (Holy prophet man!)

You're making things up again, Arnold (Our savior!)

You're making things up again

Hmm, up again making things, you are

Arnold